Missing Moments
by LadyClassical
Summary: Two missing moments between Hiei and Kurama in the Spirit Detective saga. What did Hiei say to Kurama after the two of them left Gouki with Yusuke? What did Kurama say to Hiei when they agreed to help out with the Four Saint Beasts? Find out my take on it in these two short stories.
1. Breaking the Alliance

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a story of two missing moments between Hiei and Kurama, one directly after Kurama abandons the theft mission in Episode 6, the other right before they go to help Yusuke and Kuwabara out with the Four Saint Beasts. The first scene is in Hiei's point of view, and the second is in Kurama's. Enjoy!**

…

It didn't take long for Hiei to catch up with Kurama. For one thing, Kurama was walking at a leisurely pace, and for another, Hiei was much faster. In no time at all, Hiei had caught up with Kurama and grabbed his arm.

"Hiei!" said Kurama, shaking his sleeve out of the fire demon's grasp. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you back with Gouki?"

"What do you think?" Hiei snapped. "You backed out of our mission!"

"I can't give you the Forlorn Hope," Kurama said calmly. "I need it."

"We already _had _a plan to use it," Hiei reminded him.

"Hiei," said Kurama, "do you actually think that if I had the Forlorn Hope, I would use it to create an army of one thousand demon slaves?"

"Not anymore," Hiei snarled. "Not now that this time living in Ningenkai has changed you."

"How can you say that?" said Kurama. "You didn't even _know _me until I had already been a human for fourteen years!"

That was a good point. Hiei felt like his argument was starting to fall apart. In truth, he had no idea what he wanted, or why he was feeling like this right now. All he knew was that the thought of Kurama leaving him behind gave him a weird, twisting sort of feeling in the pit of his stomach that he didn't like.

"That doesn't matter to me." Hiei tried to pull himself together and cling to something more concrete. "Why don't you just give me the Forlorn Hope? What could you possibly need it for, anyway?"

Kurama's emerald-green eyes, which had been so deadened and flat since Hiei had known him, suddenly flashed with anger. "You are so _thoughtless_, Hiei!"

"_I'm _thoughtless?" Hiei said in disbelief. "You're the one who just walked out on us!"

"Think, Hiei!" Kurama shouted, and Hiei took a step back. Kurama so rarely raised his voice, and he had been so calm back in the clearing. "The Forlorn Hope grants your deepest desire, the thing you wish for the most in life. If I could have _anything _right now, anything at all, what do you think it would be?"

All of a sudden, memories flashed through Hiei's mind. Coughing…the ever-worsening scent of disease…a woman being carried away in an ambulance…last New Year's Eve, which Kurama spent in the hospital…

"Your…your mother?" Hiei's voice was quiet all of a sudden.

"That's right." Kurama turned away from Hiei again, his hands deep in his pockets, the way they always were when he wasn't using them. "Now why don't you just let me use it, if she doesn't die before the moon is full?"

"But, Kurama…" Hiei was still trying to process this, and at the same time, he was wondering why he hadn't figured it out from the beginning. "You can't get something for nothing. The mirror is going to take something from you as payment."

"I know," Kurama said quietly, leaning his head down so that his bangs fell in his eyes, staring at the ground.

"Do you know what that something is going to be?"

"The mirror often has an eye-for-eye, tooth-for-tooth approach." Kurama's voice was still so soft and calm, and it made Hiei uneasy. "I plan to give my mother the gift she gave me—life. Thus, I must sacrifice my own life in turn."

"What?!" Hiei staggered backwards in shock. There was that sick, twisting feeling again, a sword being stabbed into him and pushed deeper and deeper… "You can't be serious, Kurama!"

"It is the only way."

"No! You can't!" Hiei didn't know when he had ever been so angry, but suddenly he was so furious he was shaking.

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do, Hiei," said Kurama, as calmly as ever.

"How can you be so goddamn calm?!" Hiei shouted. "You're going to _die! _Have you not thought this through?"

"I assure you I have, Hiei," Kurama told him. There was that look again; his eyes just looked so empty, like something within him had already died.

"Well, you're out of your mind!" Hiei could hear his voice rising out of his control, and the back of his throat was starting to ache. His stomach hurt, and he felt hot all over. "You…you _can't_, Kurama!"

"Sorry, Hiei, but I don't have time for this," Kurama said shortly, and he started to walk away. Hiei caught up with him again and grabbed his arm in desperation.

"You say life is so precious!" Hiei's voice shook out of emotion, yet he was trying so hard to fight it off. "And you're going to throw everything away over some stupid human?!"

Green eyes narrowed. Kurama's fists clenched, and he easily shook his arm out of Hiei's grasp. For a minute Hiei was sure the fox-demon was going to attack him; he even instinctively reached for his sword. But when Kurama spoke again, his voice was as even as ever.

"I pity you, Hiei," he said softly. "I pity you, because you have obviously never loved someone more than you have loved yourself. You have never known the pain of seeing someone you love suffer, nor the joy of having them close to your heart. The walls you have built around yourself, Hiei—I'm afraid they have become your prison."

"Kurama, wait!" Hiei hollered, his voice breaking, but it was too late. With a cry of pure anger, he reached for his sword and sliced through the trunk of the nearest tree, causing it to crash to the ground. Hiei's grip loosened, and the sword fell, too.

Hiei shut his eyes, feeling them sting. His stomach felt worse, and his throat was hurting even more. One valuable yellow stone—the mark of the Koorime blood running through Hiei's veins—started to fall, and he caught it, shoving it into the pocket of his cloak. The world around him was blurred as he stared at the fallen tree and his sword right next to it. Hiei knew he owed Kurama his life, and yet he couldn't stop this.

_Not Kurama. Please, not Kurama_.

But it was no use. Hiei knew wishing for it wouldn't make any difference. Kurama—the only person who had beat him in a swordfight in the past year, the only person who had asked him for his name, the only person so far who had managed to erode his prison walls—was gone.

Forever.


	2. Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner

"How are you feeling today, Mother?" asked Kurama, setting a plate of cookies in front of his mom, who was on the couch in their living room, curled up under a blanket. She was projected to make a full recovery, but the doctors said it was important that she got plenty of rest. Kurama was trying his best to look after her.

"Much better," she told him. "It really is a miracle, isn't it?"

"Nothing less, Mom," Kurama agreed, sitting down next to her and giving her a hug.

They were still hugging when there was a knock on the door. Kurama headed into the foyer to see who it was, and his mouth fell open. It was Hiei. At first he was a little reluctant (what if Hiei was seeking revenge from a few nights ago?), but since the small fire demon didn't appear to be on the warpath, he opened the door.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, Hiei?" Kurama asked, though his tone was not exactly sweet.

Hiei looked down at his feet. "Can I…can I come in?"

"I don't know," said Kurama. "That cut in my stomach still twinges a bit. You aren't here to do the thing properly this time, are you?"

"No," said Hiei, still not meeting Kurama's eyes. "I come bearing a message."

Kurama raised his eyebrows in surprise, but before he could say another word, he heard his mother's voice again.

"Who's at the door, Shuichi?" Shiori called from the other room, before Kurama had the chance to answer Hiei.

"It's Hiei, Mom," Kurama told her.

"Really? Oh, it's been too long," said Shiori. "Let him in. I'll put some tea on."

"No!" said Kurama, running back into the living room. "It's okay, Mom. Hiei doesn't need any tea."

Hiei was still standing on the stoop, this time looking shocked, and Kurama realized he probably hadn't known Shiori was still alive. Since he only found out Kurama was alive when he accidentally stabbed him at the warehouse, he must have assumed Shiori was dead and that the Forlorn Hope hadn't worked.

"Come on up to my room, Hiei," said Kurama, figuring Hiei would want to talk in private. Hiei followed him upstairs, still unusually silent, but as soon as Kurama shut the door, Hiei started talking.

"How are you both still alive?" he demanded. "I thought you were going to—you know…"

"It's a long story, actually," said Kurama. "But before I answer you, I want to know why you're here."

"I told you," said Hiei. "I'm here with a message from Spirit World."

"What is it?" Kurama asked. "I heard Koenma put you on parole."

"Don't remind me," said Hiei, walking a few paces and collapsing on Kurama's bed. "Now do you want to hear the message or not?"

"Of course," Kurama told him.

"We have to help the Spirit Detective defeat the Four Saint Beasts," Hiei began, and he went into an explanation of what they were expected to do in order to redeem themselves. By the end, Kurama was on his feet.

"Come on, then," he said. "Let's go. Time is of the essence."

"Not now," Hiei told him. "They haven't opened up the portal to Makai yet."

"Oh," said Kurama. "Well, then, I guess I'll see you. Let me know when it's time."

"Wait a minute!" Hiei didn't move from his spot on the bed. "You didn't tell me why you and your mom are both alive. What about the Forlorn Hope?"

"Something amazing happened," Kurama said slowly. Just sitting down next to Hiei felt kind of awkward, so he walked around his room, pretending to straighten up (his room was too tidy to _actually_ clean). "That night at the hospital, Yusuke pointed out that even if my mom lived, she would be miserable—"

"Yusuke? The spirit detective?"

"Yes," said Kurama. "Yusuke said my mom wouldn't be happy if she lived, because she would lose her only child. So he offered to give his own life instead. Recognizing a selfless act, the mirror decided not to take any life at all, and everyone's fine."

Kurama kept wandering around his room, rearranging things pointlessly. Hiei was silent. Hours seemed to pass, until finally, Hiei spoke up.

"How long are you going to stay mad at me?" he said quietly.

"What are you talking about?" Kurama turned around to look at Hiei in surprise, but Hiei was sitting on the side of the bed, still staring down at his feet. Come to think of it, he hadn't met anyone's eyes the entire time he was here.

"You've never been so cold to me, not even when we first met." Hiei's voice was still so soft. "Look at you. You're unwilling to sit next to me. You can't even stand the sight of me."

"You're the one who's refusing to look at me," said Kurama. "And I have to clean my room."

"Don't lie," Hiei snapped. "When has your room ever needed cleaning?"

"Fine." Kurama set a pile of books down on his desk and looked over at Hiei, his brow furrowing. When he spoke, his tone was unapologetically sharp. "I _am_ angry with you, Hiei. Your behavior the other day was deplorable."

"I-I didn't mean to stab you," said Hiei.

"Perhaps not, but if I hadn't stood in the way of that sword, Yusuke would be dead now," Kurama said icily. "Not only did you bribe him for the Artifacts of Darkness, but you attempted to kill him as well. You called me a coward and a traitor. You used your Jaganshi form on a human, attempted to turn Keiko into a demon, almost completely drained Botan of her energy, and nearly turned me into a shish kabob. You should be ashamed of yourself. Your actions from that day are exactly why we demons have the bad name we do."

Kurama expected Hiei to at least defend himself, but he didn't. Instead, he was just so quiet, his elbows on his knees. And then he got up and strode to the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" said Kurama. "I thought you were on parole."

Hiei opened the door, but didn't turn around.

"Don't bother going after me, Kurama. These hands…" Hiei gave both his hands one shake, as if to dry them off. "They destroy everything they touch. Killing may be just in a day's work for me, but once I lose control…once I start to hurt _you_…"

Kurama distinctly heard a quaver in Hiei's voice by the last sentence, and suddenly he felt all of his anger wash away like the receding tide on the beach.

"Oh, Hiei, I'm sorry," he said, going to meet Hiei at the door. "I was a little harsh on you."

"No, you were right, Kurama," Hiei said tonelessly. "I see now why you had to 'withdraw from our alliance.' You were right to walk out on me."

Just then, something slid into place in Kurama's head, and he felt his heart break. Slowly, he took Hiei's hand, and the smaller demon allowed himself to be led back inside. They sat down on the bed, and Kurama felt burning tears in the corners of his eyes.

"Hiei," he said. "Look at me."

For the first time that day, Hiei lifted his head, and stared into Kurama's eyes. Kurama felt worse after that, because he thought he saw tears in Hiei's eyes, too.

"I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say, Hiei," he said, trying to keep his voice even, but he felt as if he might cry. "When I said I was withdrawing from our alliance, I was walking out on a plan I didn't agree with so that I could save my mother." Kurama swallowed. "I never dreamed you would take it personally like that. I walked out on our mission, but I would never, ever walk out on _you_."

Hiei was quiet again for a minute, then he looked up again and said, "Promise?"

"Promise," Kurama whispered, pulling Hiei into a hug. Of course, Hiei squirmed, but Kurama couldn't help but squeeze him a little bit before he let go. When he did, though, he added, "I think it's time to hear your side of the story."

"What?"

"Every time my mom and I had a disagreement when I was younger, she would sit me down to talk about it," Kurama explained. "And no matter what I did, no matter how bad it was, she would always give me a chance to explain myself. So I figured I would do the same for you. Why don't you give me your version of that day's events?"

"There's nothing that you don't already know," said Hiei.

"Yes, there is," said Kurama. "I want to see it from your point of view."

"I just wanted the Artifacts of Darkness." Hiei shrugged. "That's all it was."

"Yusuke was prepared to hand them over without a fight, as long as you spared Keiko," Kurama reminded him, trying to keep his voice from sounding accusatory. The last thing he wanted here was for Hiei to clam up (which he would definitely do if he felt threatened) and it was going to take every ounce of his patience to talk this through in the first place, since Hiei wasn't exactly the sort of person to sit around reflecting on his feelings. "If all you really wanted were the artifacts, why did you have to turn Keiko into a demon and kill Yusuke?"

"I guess I just got carried away," Hiei said, looking down at the ground again. "Between you and me, I was going through a really rough time."

"Why?" Kurama prompted gently.

"On the night of the full moon, I didn't get any sleep at all," Hiei said quietly. "Remember, you failed to tell me what happened with the Forlorn Hope. I thought you were dying at that very minute, and I didn't know what to do."

"Hiei, there was nothing you _could _do," Kurama insisted. "Nobody could have predicted that the mirror would do what it did that night."

"Oh, I should have known it would go and pull something dumb like that," Hiei mumbled. "Just to mess with me."

"Mess with you?" said Kurama.

"Well, yes," said Hiei. "Death is so final. Part of the reason I wanted the Artifacts of Darkness just then was because, well, I guess I didn't quite know what to do with myself once you were gone."

"That must have been hard," Kurama said sympathetically.

"It _was _hard," Hiei agreed. "All I could think of was that I was still here, but you were dead, and we only knew each other for a year, and the last thing we ever did was fight."

"Even if we fight, Hiei, I'll know you're still my friend," said Kurama kindly. "I mean, when I activated the Forlorn Hope, I was thinking about my mom, but if I really had died that night, I wouldn't have checked out thinking that we weren't friends anymore. We'll always be best friends."

"But _I _didn't know that," said Hiei. "As far as I was concerned, you died remembering me as an enemy. I spent so much time trying to process your death, Kurama, and the more I thought about all of it, the angrier I got, until I was finally filled with this sort of blind fury I couldn't really explain."

"Who do you think you were angry with?" Kurama asked.

"I don't know," said Hiei. "I really don't."

"At the risk of assuming you felt something you didn't," Kurama began, "is it possible that you were angry with what happened, not with any one person in particular? Perhaps you just needed a scapegoat—someone to take the blame—and Yusuke Urameshi happened to be in your line of fire."

There was silence while Hiei considered this. Kurama waited for him patiently.

"I never thought about it that way," said Hiei finally. "It's possible. But if so, I picked the wrong person, Kurama. I never understood until then how strong someone's friends can help him to be. As our fight went on, it wasn't just about winning. I wanted him to suffer. Like I said…I think I got out of control."

"Why did you want Yusuke to suffer?" Kurama asked.

"I don't know," said Hiei. "Like I said, I just got so angry, and maybe he really was a scapegoat, because it somehow felt better to take out all that rage on him, even though he never actually wronged me in any way. But when I tried to stab him…"

"That was when I came in," said Kurama, the memory still fresh in his mind. Listening to this explanation, he realized how awful standing in the way of the sword must have seemed to Hiei. Obviously, it needed to be done, but that wouldn't make it any less hurtful, in Hiei's point of view—not to mention it was probably physically painful to have his Jagan blinded as well.

"Yeah," said Hiei. "I was shocked to find that you were still alive. At first I thought the heat of battle had caused me to lose my senses, but then I realized my Jagan eye would have been able to see past such an illusion. That's when I think I started to get angry with you, because I thought you were being a traitor. First the thing with Gouki, and now this…But like you say, maybe that doesn't really excuse the way I acted. I was a criminal, as always."

"Now I see why my mom always had me tell my side of the story, and I hope you see it, too," said Kurama. "Because after hearing what you had to say, I don't really think you were a criminal during that fight. Your _actions _were still abhorrent, but _you_, I think, were just a regular demon having a really bad day."

Hiei sighed. "You could say that."

"Look, Hiei…" Kurama breathed out through his nostrils, taking another gamble. "Have you ever thought that all this anger wasn't just…well, anger?"

"What do you mean?" said Hiei cautiously.

"Well…think about it," Kurama replied. "I mean, I don't know about you, but if I had been in your shoes that night, if the roles had been reversed, I wouldn't have just felt anger, I would have felt a lot of things. I would have felt torn apart with grief upon realizing you were dead, for one thing. I would probably feel guilty, lost, left out, and alone. And when I saw you in the warehouse, not only would I feel hurt and betrayed, but I would have been upset that you came back from the dead and didn't even bother to tell me.

"Sometimes, having all those feelings is hard to deal with, and when we don't understand them, it's even worse," Kurama continued. "Do you think it's possible, even a tiny bit, that _you _were feeling a similar way, but since you didn't understand it, you thought you were just plain angry?"

"I don't know," said Hiei. "Maybe."

"If that _is _the way you feel, I'm sorry for hurting you," said Kurama. "But do you understand now why I had to do it?"

Hiei nodded, biting his lip.

"Good," said Kurama. "But I also want you to know that if you were in danger of being killed like that, I would save you without a second thought. Because, as they say, I've got your back—which will be very important on our upcoming mission."

"I've got your back, too," said Hiei. "Maybe I was just worried, you know? I guess I always just thought you would…be there, and then all of a sudden you weren't."

"I _will_ always be there for you, Hiei," Kurama told him. "I said the other day that you were building walls around yourself to make a prison…well, you can break out of that prison if you just learn to trust people."

"Every time I do trust someone, I regret it," said Hiei quietly. "It seems like every person I care about hurts me or abandons me somehow."

"It'll be hard, but you can do it," Kurama insisted. "One step at a time. That's all I ask. Even a tiny, tiny baby step is progress. And I only ask because I know it will make you feel better, too."

"Just don't go anywhere, okay?" said Hiei. "I don't know if I can handle your death a second time."

"Don't worry," said Kurama, and gave his best friend a hug. Maybe forever wasn't such a long time after all.

**-end-**


End file.
